-As told to EpSuen staff writer Chelsea Taylor
~I dated my husband for eight years before we finally married. Our relationship was one of those whirlwind on again, off again, type of deals in which it was often the drama that kept bringing us back together.
I met him in a psychology class when I was in college on the west side of Michigan and the kismet energy was instantaneous. Before either of us had a chance to breathe we were together 24/7 and regrettably, I lost many of my friends because of how exclusive our relationship became.
I can’t say either of us is more at fault, I think we are both equally guilty; but whenever we were together for the past eight years, we would literally drop out of our circle of friends. We were the type of people that others would say, “Whatever happened to —-” and the answer was, “Oh, they are dating and don’t have time for anyone else”.
Sure we would hang out with our families, but there is something significant about having healthy relationship with peers as well as maintaining connections with relatives, and we did a poor job at developing friendships with our peers as a couple.
Whenever we would break up, each of us would suddenly pop back into old groups of friends, and then when we started dating again we would disappear. It’s only now, looking back that I’m even able to see all of this, in the midst of the relationship I was entirely oblivious to how unhealthy our attitude toward others had become.
A month before the wedding we both started talking about how miserable we felt in the relationship. It was in the premarital counseling with a priest that some of these ideas about how we had alienated ourselves from our friends began to hit us. We also both realized how much we loathed each other’s friendships and how little we actually had in common. Our minds were flooded with the thought that perhaps the only reason we were drawn together was because of the sexual chemistry; the sex was always awesome, from the beginning right up to the end.
But sex isn’t enough to build a relationship on, is it?
The night before the wedding we both agreed; we wanted to call it off. This would be at least the 10th time we’d broken up over the years, and we knew our family and friends would never forgive us for calling the wedding off the night before. So privately the two of us decided to go through with the whole show and not say a word about the impending break up.
The wedding went great and many of the guests thanked us for putting on such a splendid fare. The night of the wedding we had some of the best sex of our lives, and then the following day flew to our destination honeymoon and had 10 days of glorious sex night after night.
Two weeks to the day, we walked into the county building and filled out the papers to officially divorce. The woman behind the counter gave us an eyeful that conveyed all the necessary judgment we deserved.
It’s been six months since we broke up and we have stayed broken up. Neither of us are dating, after eight years we both think the healthiest choice is to stay single for awhile and rebuild our social lives.
Last night he texted and told me he still loves me. I texted him back the same. We’re supposed to have coffee tomorrow. There are butterflies in my stomach, who knows, an autumn wedding sounds really nice.
*Stock image Alex Bocarov unsplash.com